Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...

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Stand alone... Where was life when it had a meaning...
Stand alone... Nothing's real anymore and...

I'm changing some things. Yes, I've said stuff like this before and I didn't carry through but this time I'm not fucking around.

Go away as a boy...Coming back as a man.

I'm leaving the rest behind.

Current Month

Sep. 9th, 2006 @ 11:32 pm Beginning again

Well school is back and so am I. After being kicked out and being gone for so long it seems that I was missed more than I knew. I got practically tackled in the hallways and at the football game on Friday. It suprised me that even the teachers welcomed me back with utter joy. I can say for once I'm actually certain that there are people around me who care about my well being. I was granted the ability to play basketball this year. There's no suprise that I'm on Varsity. The first game was a major dissappointment as we lost and played horribly. But the second game I can proudly say we played our asses off as a Varsity team. Unfortunately due to some bad calls from a referee we lost that game. The third and fourth game we won by a ten point margin or more. We actually won one game by about 42 points, or somewhere around there. I chipped in three points and a few rebounds. Coach asks me all the time why I play the way I do...at the level of the people I play against and with. I have no answer why. But I'm starting to think It's because I am now afraid of being too unique. Of not being liked. I need to face and demolish my fears. Coach always ask me whenever I see him what do I fear... I never answer. So right now there is a fork in the road between me and my destiny. I guess this is where my motto really comes in hand.

Well now comes the little complaining part about work... well matter of fact only class I'm not really happy about is government and thats because of all the work we have to do. We barely have gotten done with chapter one's study guide, and he's already given us chapter two to do over the weekend. On top of that I have U.S History and Chemistry homework, which I have just completed. It was easy. Tommorow has been set aside for Government only, well basketball and church are on the schedule but they'll only take about 5 hours out my schedule and I'll have from 1700- 2200 (5:00pm- 10:00pm) to get my homework done. A good 5 hours and hopefully it doesnt take me that long.

To add to my little list of events I am sick as of yesterday night. I have a sore thraot and a somewhat runny nose. The coughing isn't helping much either. I have been doomed to taking 6-8 Vitamin C chewables a day as well as drinking my body weight in fluid ounces ass well. I feel so full of water I'm like a floating device. Ugh. The part about being sick is that I cant really rest because of basketball season. Last night I was in the gym 4 hours after practice ended.Shooting, dribbling and running. I hope it pays off because so far I haven't seen any results of my suffering. Today I was in the gym at 8 am and practice began at 10 am, then after practice ended at 12pm I didnt leave till 1. I am working so hard my quads are sore and achy. My body protest every time I move. But how else am I supposed to get better? Well I have things to do tommorow and after the event of dipping my cat and ridding my house of fleas today I am exhausted.

"What we fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerfult beyond all measure."
- Coach Carter

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Sep. 3rd, 2006 @ 11:15 pm Back to School Vid I made

Current Location: My Desk
Current Mood: bouncy

Weeeeeee!!!
Current Music: Hamster Dance

Yo you all I'm back!! Yay!!! Anyway here's alittle some thing I did for my friends as a back to school treat. Hope you all like it!!!

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Aug. 4th, 2006 @ 03:58 pm Good Bye

Current Mood: drained

Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...
Current Music: Inner Universe

*Angely i demony kruzhili nado mnoj Razbivali ternii i zvyozdnye puti Ne znaet schast'ya tol'ko tot, Kto ego zova ponyat' ne smog...**	*Angels and demons were circling above me Breaking the hardships and starry ways The only one who doesn't know happiness is the one who couldn't understand its call**
I am Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling Soboj ostat'sya dol'she... Calling Calling, in the depth of longing Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...	I am Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling To stay myself longer... Calling Calling, in the depth of longing To stay myself longer...
Stand alone... Where was life when it had a meaning... Stand alone... Nothing's real anymore and...	Stand alone... Where was life when it had a meaning... Stand alone... Nothing's real anymore and...
...Beskonechnyj beg... Poka zhiva ya mogu starat'sya na letu ne upast', Ne razuchit'sya mechtat'...lyubit'... ...Beskonechnyj beg...	...Endless run... While I'm alive, I can try not to fall while flying, Not to forget how to dream... how to love ...Endless run...
Calling Calling, For the place of knowing There's more that what can be linked Calling Calling, Never will I look away For what life has left for me Yearning Yearning, for what's left of loving	Calling Calling, For the place of knowing There's more that what can be linked Calling Calling, Never will I look away For what life has left for me Yearning Yearning, for what's left of loving
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she... Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling Soboj ostat'sya dol'she... Calling Calling, in the depth of longing Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...	To stay myself longer... Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling To stay myself longer... Calling Calling, in the depth of longing To stay myself longer...

This is my last and final journal entry. I'm trying my best to make some changes. Trust me, I really need too. These are the lyrics to Inner Universe by Origa/ Shanti Snyder. If your smart they explain a little bit of what I'm going through. As with everything love is the cause of my problems and I need to go through a lot of transforming before I come back. I'm dying from the inside out. I have to leave people behind, not because I want to though, I have to.

Calling Calling, For the place of knowing
There's more than what can be linked
Calling Calling, Never will I look away
For what life has left for me
Yearning Yearning, for what's left of loving....

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Soboj ostat'sya dol'she...

"After all Destiny is what you make it, sometimes it just needs a little force"